Ghost Butterflies

I just had to write alittle side note saying that although I think some days can be abit tough, So many people are going through much more and I am very happy for all that I have, on tough days I look at my children and I am so thankful for them, and I am thankful that they are happy and healthy, A VERY close person to me said " your only as Happy as your saddest child" I beleive that because I have felt that, I am also very happy for my own health, I can enjoy life and my children will grow up knowing that there Mother was lovin every minute of everyday, Last BUT not least I am so thankful to be sharing my life with my best friend, It matters to me whether he is home and if he is to stressed, I love to look at my children and get THAT feeling of calmness, everything will be ok as long as they are ok, This started as a side note and now I just want to release everything,

DO you ever wonder why you are drawn without realizing it to a certain someone or a show to realize that they (it) has helped you in some way, I know that it is just the mind working overtime and everybodycan connect to eachother one way or another but sometimes I wonder why did I choose today out of any other day to call this person who really needed my phone call or even watch I program that is completely talking right to me........

I am way to senstive at times, I have gotten SOOO much better with age but even when I was young I always felt for the underdog and would switch positions just to make them feel better, I always wanted to make a difference in someones life positively and now I have four lives that I am able to uplift to make them feel like there the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I never want them to feel dissapointment but they will and I just have to remember to be there to buy them the ice-cream to make them feel better or sing them a song or even just take a walk with them.

I like to think that there is something wrong with me and ofcourse there is because I am not perfect, but I like to use it as an accuse instead of dealing with my emotions or how I really might be feeling I think well today is an off day maybe the weather or maybe even my birth control instead off faceing being sad or overly happy or very angry, sometimes my emotions are so bottled that I feel like I have none, but ofcourse if i am able to shed a tear then I must have some.

Everytime I hear the phrase GREATEST LOVE STORY I think I have witnessed the greatest love story of my life and no other story will ever compare, maybe because this story has affected me or because I beleive and there's nothing wrong with that, The first part of the story is a Woman taking advantage of HER life now that her children are grown, she decides what she wants to go where she wants to go and how she spends her free time, she has worked hard to get there and deserves all of lifes pleasures, does that make her passing eaiser I think so because she had no regrets she was happy and to beable to say that and really mean it is a feet, Lets talk about him now, he loved her, he loved her for being who she was and in control of that, he loved the way she loved him and how she let him live this life, he loved everything they built in there life together. Life was amazing so much to look forward to there daughter graduateing University another Daughter getting Married and expecting, there sons happy and thats all they could ask for or want.
they took there usual trip to visit family for the long weekend, they always left early and were overly prepared, this trip would change everything.

DO you want to read more. I go throught the good and the bad over and over in my head so much, they lived a HAPPY life they loved each other they lived how they wanted to, so I feel selfish when I miss them I feel like it is wrong to miss them because they are in a better place together, I don't let myself feel because I should be happy I have an amazing life and there is no room for sadness, I am sad though I am sad that I miss out on the simply things like having my Mom to call when I need to talk or having my dads arm around me just cause, feeling like I am the most special person in the world to them and they want to protect me, I am so lucky to have felt that from them in the first place because some people never felt that from a parent so I try to be happy that I ever felt that way in the first place, I always think positively , I think about what I had instead of what I lost BUT I did lose and I miss them so much..................

I just read the first line in this post and I think I keep saying the same thing over and over just in different ways:) If you read this far then WOW you probaly think I am crazy, I am not sure what I wrote anymore but I am not going to back and prove read it because it is ovuoisly how I felt when I wrote it.........and nope this time no pictures just a bunch of ramdom thoughts.
Have a great thanksgiving!!